Monday, May 7, 2007

2nd Class Citizen - Vent

Ever been in a foster home? I have. Ever been asked to sit at the "other" table? I have. Ever wonder what life might have been like if your parents had treated family as though it were important, more important than their individual selfish desires? I do every day. You see, I cannot look at life as though there was ever a great opportunity and all one had to do was to pursue it. There was never a great opportunity. I've lived my whole life taking 2nds, 3rds and 64ths. There was never a stable family, never a refuge I could cling to. Never was there a "lucky" roll of the dice that set everything straight. There is no family to call and ask for help, to stop in and just say "Hi, how ya doin?". It was all about them and I'm supposed to just "make do" with the hand of 2,3,7,9,4. No face cards, no wild cards, no trump and no way to stay in without bluffing. So I get up every day, stand up and it's as though someone hits me in the mouth and says, "Good Morning! Welcome to a bitch of a day!" And then I take a shower, head off to work and look for what else can go wrong. No matter I'm trying to let the world know how competent I am or how wonderfully composed I am. What a crock! I look forward only to the next wakeup call and that oh' familiar punch in the mouth to start my day.

Do you hate holidays? I do! What a wonderful time to get lonely and have noone who gives a rat's ass about you or anything about you. Ever try to eat out on a holiday. Sure, drop into the local restaurant or deli and eat with all of the others who have no life, no family or no friends! Maybe they're foreigners and away from home and family. Are they gypsies lookin' for treasure or opportunity. Did they leave their family to chase American "greenbacks"?

Great f'ing time! I'd like to love tradition, except there's no tradition in my life because there's no family to set tradition, show any interest in anyone except their pitiful selfish little "convenient" self. So if you're reading this and you have a family that operates in some semblance of order - you know - Mom, Dad and children, think about someone other than yourself the next time you think about walkin' away and seeking out your fame and fortune. The cost of such an action might just be the death of the future of others who depend on you and have noone else to lean on. Think about someone other than yourself, just once. There is no rainbow and there is no gold and there is no "greener pasture". Life is about the people you come in contact with, bring into this world regardless of whether it was your "intent" or not. Face the medicine, shoulder the load and be the only thing that your child may ever have to look up to, depend on and love without condition.